Scarred
by Grell Loves Undertaker
Summary: A broken boy turns into a broken man. What happens when Grell's sanity and health are put to the test? What dark secrets does this flamboyant reaper hold?
1. Chapter 1

**"Scarred"**

**Chapter 1**

_A scared little boy sat in an old alley. He shivered and watched as people passed by, unaffected by his pleads. He reached his little dirty palm up and begged them to spare just the slightest bit of money for him. Yet his hand was either ignored or slapped away. He retreated to the back of alley with a whimper and curled up trying to keep warm. It was the middle of December, and snow was falling greatly as the boy tried to keep from freezing to death. He shivered and shook horribly as his teeth chattered. He ran his fingers through his short, red locks of hair, trying to keep his head warm. He heard a crash which made him jump. Then darkness. A bag was pulled over his head as he was taken away, kicking and screaming. _

* * *

Grell stood on the roof looking down at the rushing streets of London. It was January. His coat hung loosely around his frame as he watched his next target run carelessly into the traffic. "Three, two, one."

*CRASH*

"Tch. Another stupid human dead." He sighed and shook his head. The redhead leaped down as he made himself invisible to the human eye. "Don't worry darling, it's almost over." He cooed then revved up his chainsaw. Grell plunged the blade into the man's chest and sighed. "Born to a good home, straight A student, graduated collage, married, two kids, eh. Nothing new." He sighed and collected the soul.

The reaper stamped the man's record 'Complete' and walked away. "Another useless human dead. I say...after a hundred plus years of doing this, it gets rather boring." He sighed and jumped to the roof of a large, old building. The flamboyant male was filing his nails when a familiar sound caught his ear. He peered over into an empty alley and frowned deeply.

A man grabbed a young homeless girl and gagged her. "Quiet down cutie. No one cares about a street rat like yourself." The man growled.

Grell whimpered and had to turn away. "It's not part of your job. She's not on the to-die list." He told himself. "Don't intervene."

"Please! Help me! Stop!" The girl cried.

Grell shut his eyes tightly as memories flooded back to him.

**{Flashback}**

_"Shut it boy. No one cares about a dirty little boy like you." A tall dark haired man chuckled and threw a thin redhead little boy into the back of his truck. "Once we train you and get some meat on your bones, you'll be worth a fortune." _

_The boy could do nothing but whimper and pull at his restraints. He yelled into the gag firmly over his mouth as tears streamed down his face. _

**{End of Flashback}**

The redhead opened his eyes and found the girl and the man gone. He was about to follow their trail when a scream caught his attention. "Damn! This distraction almost made me miss my next appointment." He sighed and leaped in the direction of the scream.

* * *

Dispatch was quiet and working. Only the sounds of typewriters and scythes being sharpened and cleaned were heard. William T. Spears sat in his office signing paper work when a shrill voice cut into the thick silence.

"Will darling~...I'm back. Did you miss me?" The redhead cooed and propped himself up on the edge of the supervisor's desk.

"Sutcliff. Kindly remove yourself from my desk before I forcibly remove you myself. I'm sure you have a ton of paper work on your desk. And if you've finished that, I can find more for you to do." The raven said and adjusted his glasses. "Honestly. Must you be so shrill?"

"Oh you are so cold Will~...But you mustn't tempt me with those harsh words involving you manhandling me." Grell swooned and wiggled his hips. "Now I only came to hand in my to-die list. I'm finished with the day's reapings. Paper work shall be done after I eat. It is lunch time you know. Perhaps you should join me."

"I haven't the time for lunch. And even if I did. What makes you think I'd spend it with you, a worthless, incompetent, excuse for a reaper." William growled and shoved the redhead off his desk.

Grell stayed on the floor for a while before standing. "Sorry for offering..." Normally the redhead would swoon and beg for William to be harsher. He would encourage the raven to insult him more. But today was different. The redhead continually had flashbacks of his human life. William's words cut right through him. It was like the supervisor threw knifes at the redhead.

William raised a brow as the flamboyant reaper left. It did seem odd that Grell didn't swoon or cling to him after he shoved him down. Normally the raven would have to pry him off and throw him out of the office. But today, Grell willingly left. "I have no time for such thoughts." He told himself. "I shall not ponder, nor waste my time on a reaper such as Grell Sutcliff."

The words, 'worthless',' incompetent' and 'sorry excuse for a reaper', ran around in Grell's mind. He sat at his normal lunch table alone and stared down at his food. His mind lost in thought as he continued to replay his past.

**{Flashback}**

_"Two thousand pounds!"_

_"Three thousand!"_

_"Five thousand."_

_"Five thousand pounds, going once, going twice..."_

_"Fifty thousand pounds, cash for the boy." A man in a dark hood smirked._

_"Take him." The man threw the chained redheaded boy at the man's feet. "He's fully trained like the dog his is."_

_The now teenaged boy kept his eyes trained on the floor as the man grabbed his leash. _

_"Good. He'll serve me well." The man in the hood laughed. "Come on pet." He said with a yank._

_The boy didn't speak. He simply followed the man's pulls._

**{End of Flashback.}**

"Aye, ginger. What's got into ya? You there?" Eric asked as he waved his hand in front of Grell.

Grell jumped slightly and frowned. "For the last time Slingby, this," He said picking up and lock of his crimson hair, "is not ginger! It's red! Or crimson if you wish." He huffed.

"Calm down scarlet. You seem distant. What's going on in that little head of yours?" The blonde asked.

"None of your concern." Grell growled and stood. He tossed his untouched plate and left.

* * *

_The redheaded teen whimpered and placed the food on the plate carefully. He placed the plate along with a glass of red wine on a silver serving tray. The teen carefully picked it up and walked to the master bedroom. _

_"Set it on the nightstand." The man said to the teen._

_The teen didn't speak. He placed the tray where he was told. But he set it down too roughly. An apple fell to the floor along with the glass of wine. The redhead gasped and fell to his knees trying to clean the wine and searching for the apple._

_"What is your damn problem?! You worthless, stupid boy!" The man yelled and grabbed the teen by his crimson locks. He threw the thin redhead against the wall and began to beat him. "Clean up the mess. No food for a week." The man growled then left the bleeding boy on the ground._

* * *

Grell clocked out for the day with a long sigh. He turned in his scythe and, for once, filed his paper work. "Good night Ronnie." He waved at his junior and left for the night.

The redhead tied his hair back in a low pony tail and took off his beloved red coat. He folded the coat and his neck tie. Then he placed the clothes in his backpack and threw it into his locker in the dispatch locker room. He unbuttoned the top four buttons of his shirt and removed his vest. The crimson looked more manly as he walked out of the offices.

The cool January breeze rushed threw his open shirt and tied back hair. He walked into a burlesque club around the corner and handed the bouncer a few hundred pounds.

"Grell. Nice of you to join us tonight. Care for your regular table or are you here for a privet show?" The bouncer asked.

"Privet. I want Jessica." The redhead said and walked into the club. He sat at a table and closed the curtain waiting for the dancer to come in.

"Hey. Heard you asked for me by name." Jessica purred. The dancer was a tall pale woman. Her legs were clad in black fishnet stockings with a red garter-belt and red high-heels. She had toned abs covered in body oil. She wore a lacy black bra that cupped and hugged her breasts perfectly. The blonde woman ran her gloved hands down Grell's muscular chest and purred.

"Yes I did ask for you by name. Now I expect the best you have. Those hands need to move lower. But after I see you dance." The redheaded male husked and pushed the woman to the pole that was in the center of the table.

Grell wasn't paying much attention to the woman that was dancing in front of him. His mind drifted as he leaned back and got lost in thought.

**{Flashback}**

_Screams were heard through out the large mansion. They echoed off the walls causing the maids to stop momentarily. They all knew what had happened and they dared not go investigate. _

_The large man panted as he thrusted into the small crimson male. "This will teach you to waste food you worthless piece of crap." He grunted._

_The boy could do nothing but scream. He cried out as the man slammed into him and punched his back. _

_The man finished and threw the boy to the ground. "Disgusting. Worthless." He growled and kicked the boy's side so hard as to break his ribs. Which he successfully did. "Tch..." He scoffed then walked away._

_The boy gasped and cried as a medical team came in to tend to his wounds. He knew he'd be fixed up only to be broken again by this man. How long? How long could he endure this horrid life? How long until his malnourished body gave up?_

**{End of Flashback}**

Jessica moaned and bobbed her head up and down on Grell's shaft.

The redhead was hardly enjoying himself. But it was a good distraction from his busy, restless life. He pushed the woman's head down and made her gag. "Don't stop until I say so. I paid good money for this." He groaned and threw his head back.

"Never thought I'd see you like this Sutcliff..." A voice said in an annoyed tone.

Grell sat up and threw the girl off of him. "William!" He cried out in shock. He cover himself and threw a few hundred pounds at the woman before she grabbed her clothes and left. "I thought I told them no visitors." He mumbled.

"Trust me. I would not be here willingly. This has to do with your work." The raven said and eyed the girl as she left.

"What about it? I turned in my paperwork and filed it right. You have no business to interfere with my personal life." The crimson growled and began to tuck away his manhood.

"That's the problem. You never do your paperwork. What's gotten into you? You've been twice as late this week, your reapings are cutting the T.O.D. and collection time too close, your expenses are through the roof and you've been spending you nights here. What is wrong with you?" The supervisor asked.

"Stalking my life now? That isn't like the William I know. He would just be happy I'm doing my work." Grell smirked and zipped up his pants.

"Sutcliff! You're acting much to distant. Either you're doing something illegal or worse. Relapsing." William huffed. "Which is it?"

Grell scoffed and stood. "Neither. Now, if you'll excuse me. You cost me three hundred pounds and I didn't even get to finish. Unless you'd like to suck my dick, I suggest you move out of my way!" The redhead shoved William aside and left.

William fixed his glasses and was quite shocked by Grell's behavior. "Honestly. What goes on in that head of his..." The raven shook his own head to clear his thoughts and left the disgusting place.

* * *

_The thin redheaded teen sat on the edge of the tub. He was allowed thirty minutes to wash himself and prepare himself for the master. The teen looked at the razor on the sink he was to shave with. He then looked at his pale thin wrists. _

_"One cut. One deep cut..." The teen whispered. He took the razor and placed the blade at his wrist. _

_"Straight down..."_

_Crimson poured from his wrist. Then from the other. He took the blade and finally sliced his neck open._

_*Silence.*_

_Then there was screaming. Cursing. Objects thrown around. _

_The redhead could see a sliver flash. "Death..." He whispered._

_"Hush...it's almost over." The sliver haired man cooed and stabbed the redhead's chest._

_The teen saw his life flash before his eyes. Then blackness. Nothing but black and darkness. It seemed like forever. But a light shone through. With a bit of effort, his eyes fluttered open._

_"Welcome. Grell Sutcliff. You are now a Grimm Reaper." A monotone voice stated. _

_"Reaper?" The redheaded boy asked._

_"Yes. A reaper." The voices said. "You've been reborn."_

* * *

The crimson reaper had just returned home after his encounter with William. He walked into his dorm at the dispatch complex and threw his shirt on the couch. He walked to his kitchen and pulled out two glasses. He walked to the bookshelf and pulled out a thick book. Grell opened the book and revealed a bottled of red wine. He took it and uncorked it. Then the redhead poured himself a full glass and sat on his lounge chair and began to sip the wine.

"So...you decided to suck me off after all?" Grell scoffed as William walked out of the shadows.

"Sutcliff..."

"Sit. Would you like a glass?" Grell cut in and offered a glass to the raven.

"I'm not here to drink with you..." The supervisor adjusted his glasses.

"Suit yourself.." The crimson shrugged and took another sip.

"Grell...Talk to me..." William sighed and sat in front of the redhead.

"Why? It always happens like this. We have a heart to heart conversation, then, BAM! The next day you act like it never happened. What's the point? Just leave." The crimson male took another sip of his wine and relaxed back into the chair.

William let out a long sigh. "Grell..you know why I..."

"...can't show emotion at work. Blah, blah...excuse, excuse. It gets old Will. There's a reason I go to the burlesque clubs. Because YOU like to fuck me, blow me then act like it never happened until YOU need a release again. Humph. I'm just your personal whore." Grell scoffed and continued to drink.

"Grell!" William started.

"Don't 'Grell' me! I'm sick and tired of it Will! You only come and act concerned about me when you need a good fuck buddy! And you know it's true!" Grell slammed his fist down on the table. "Well go find yourself someone else! I'm done Will. Done! I'm not just some whore you can fuck when you feel like it. I thought you felt something for me! But I guess not." The redhead turned away from the raven and huffed.

William opened his mouth to say something but closed it. He clenched his fists and shook his head. "I expect you in early tomorrow. You have overtime." With that the raven turned and left.

As soon at the door shut Grell turned and threw the glass at the door. "Bastard!" He cried and fell to his knees. The crimson hugged his small frame and whimpered before breaking down into uncontrollable sobs. "You bastard! I hate you William T. Spears!" He cried.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_"What do you mean I'm a reaper now?" The crimson teen stood on shaky legs and tried to walk._

_"Mr. Sutcliff, if you'll please take a seat. Mr. Crevan will be in shortly to explain." The monotone man sighed and left the room._

_"The only soul I've seen glow red was yours." A raspy voice said from behind the teen._

_"Death?" The thin boy choked out._

_"If you wish to call me that. But you see...you are death now. A death god." The silver reaper smiled._

_"A death god..." The crimson teen whispered._

William tapped his pen impatiently on his desk. "Blasted! I told that asshole to be in early. Yet he still disobeys me." He stood and threw his pen on the desk before storming out of the office.

"Sutcliff's gunna get his little ass drug into work again. Seems your Senior can't keep it together Ronnie." Eric chuckled only to be slapped on the shoulder by Alan.

"Eric! You've seen how poor Grell has been acting. He's so distant. I wonder what's wrong with the poor dear." The brunette sighed. "Would you boys like some coffee? I'm going to the café to pick up some sweetbread for the lounge."

"Sure. You know how I like it. Thank you darlin'." The blonde scottish man leaned down and pressed a kiss to Alan's lips.

"Yuck." Ronald gagged jokingly and smirked. "I'll take mine with lots of milk and four sugars. I like it sweet." He smiled.

"Of course Ronnie. I'll only be a few." Alan waved and left for the coffee shop.

"How long has it been now?" Ronald asked the scottish reaper.

"Nearly a year now." Eric smiled. "And I still enjoy waking up next to him everyday."

"That's great." The younger male smiled and folded his hands behind his neck. "You think William-san or Grell-senapi will find someone to settle down with? Like you and Alan did?"

"Maybe once our supervisor gets that stick outta his ass and once Sutcliff learns to keep it in his pants." Eric chuckled.

William banged on the crimson's door roughly and shouted. "Sutcliff! You're nearly an hour late! I know you're in there! Open up."

There was no answer. Only the sound of things being shifted around.

"God dammit! I hear you in there!" The supervisor yelled. With a huff, William reached into his pocket and pulled out the master key. He opened the door and heard movement from the bedroom. "Sutcliff, I told you I wanted y-" The raven stopped dead in his tracks.

Grell was on the floor, foaming at the mouth as he shook uncontrollably. His eyes had rolled to the back of his head as he shook.

"Sutcliff! Sutcliff! Grell!" William had tears in his eyes as he lifted the violently trembling male. "HELP! Get the medics!" He cried.

_"So I'm a god now?" The crimson teen asked._

_"Yes. A death god. You will be put into the shinigami academy and trained to reap human souls." The silver man said as he began to fill out the teen's paperwork._

_"But...I died." The redhead said in shock._

_"By suicide. An unpredictable death. It just so happened, I was there to take care of your master when you were dying. See he was going to die that night of a heart attack, which he did. But you happen to be the cause. But you were not on the to-die list." The silver male explained._

_"So...I don't get to see eternity?" The teen asked._

_"Not for a very long time. Becoming a reaper has it's pros and cons. Pros being; you having eternal life, judging others, and using a death scythe. Cons being; having eternal life, dealing with demons, and having to reap the ones you loved." The man explained._

_"I love no one...No one loves me. So it's simple. There are no cons for me. Only pros. When do I begin training?"_

The redheaded reaper stared up at the ceiling as he heard the doctors talking outside his room. The steady beeping of his heart monitor was the only sound in the hospital room. Then the door opened and reveled a doctor.

"Hello Mr. Sutcliff. My name is Dr. Jane Marge. You can call me Dr. Jane, if you wish." The woman said in a soft voice. She wore a blue button up shirt with a silver necktie, black slacks and a long white lab coat. Her hair was short and colored a dark shade of auburn.

Grell turned away from the doctor and looked out the window as it began to snow. "Get to the point. No need for formalities or introductions. What's wrong with me?" He asked in a low raspy voice.

"Well, if you prefer I be blunt. You have a brain tumor. It's the size of a golf ball. And it's resting on the front lobe of your brain." Dr. Jane explained.

"Wonderful. Care to tell me why my healing abilities can not get rid of it?" The redhead said still staring out into the snowy day.

"A reaper's healing abilities only work on wounds done by mundane objects. Objects such as knives, guns, hands, broken bones. A reaper's brain is the only thing that is truly alive. It can be shot, cut, stabbed and still heal. But when something like a busted vein caused by stress or a tumor shows up, the brain can not repair itself. You will need surgery to remove it. That tumor is the cause of these seizures. How many have you had?" The doctor asked.

"Too many. I've lost count." Grell sighed.

"I'm surprised you've lived this long with a tumor that size. You will be heading into surgery tomorrow morning. There's only one problem. There's a large chance you won't make it out alive." The woman said and placed a hand on Grell's shoulder.

"Even when granted a second chance in life, I face death. Even as a death god. A death god facing it's own demonic fate." The redhead looked up at the ceiling. "I want to go outside. To the garden." He said.

"Very well. I'll have a nurse escort you to the garden." The doctor said.

"No need. I'll escort him myself." William said from the door frame.

"Of course Mr. Spears." Dr. Jane smiled and left the two. "Be sure he's back before lunch though."

"Yes ma'am." The raven walked in and sat beside the redhead. "Grell.."

"Save it. Take me to the garden. Right now...I'm in no mood for your excuses and lies." Grell sat up carefully and took William's hand.

The two walked in silence. Once they reached the snow covered garden, Grell stepped away from the raven. He walked to the frozen fountain and sat at the edge. "Many years ago. When I first opened my eyes as a death god, I said, 'I love no one...No one loves me. So it's simple. There are no cons for me.' Funny right? I thought I loved no one. Yet when I met you. You changed that. I was a cocky bastard who was hurt by this cruel world." He let out a long sigh. "But you showed me up."

"And you swooned and gawked at me for one hundred years." William finished with a huff. "Yes, yes. I've heard this a thousand times. What's your point?"

"My point? MY POINT?!" Grell shot up and slapped William. "My point is...FEEL SOMETHING!" He cried out. "I'm dying before you eyes. There's a tumor in my brain Will. A tumor. I may not make it out if surgery tomorrow. Does that even faze you?!" The redhead asked as tears streamed down his cheeks.

The supervisor stood there with a blank face as always. "Grell...I..I.."

"It doesn't faze you? Why is it so hard to say, 'Yes Grell it does. I care about someone other than myself.'" The redhead pushed the raven away and fell to his knees. "After everything...after I shared things with you. Gave you my blood when you were dying. Nursed you to health after you took on that angel. Still. Nothing. It all means nothing?"

William opened his mouth then shut it. "It's eleven. We need to get you back to the room." Was all the raven could say.

"Sure. Whatever. Because I mean nothing." The crimson slapped William's hand away and huffed. "I can take myself back to the room. Go back to your duties. There's no reason to waste you time on a worthless, incompetent, sorry excuse for a reaper. Good bye Will. And I mean it. At this rate, I don't think I want to come out of that surgery alive." The redhead turned on his heel and left the raven out in the cold.

_"M-More...please. G-God..." A shaky breath was drawn in then let out slowly. Pale, thin hands ran over scarred skin in a dark dance._

_"Shhh..." A thin, long finger rested over crimson lips as they spilled secrets and stories long forgotten. "I know."_

_"I'm broken...fix me." The smaller begged._

_"I can only fix what I see wrong..." A hand came to rest upon a pale, blushing cheek. "And I see nothing wrong." The male whispered._

_"Will..."_

_"Grell..."_

_"I love you." The two sealed the night with a kiss before falling into slumber's trap._

_  
{The Next Day}

"Aye, before you know it, you'll be back in the office naggin' Ronnie to get working or to get you chocolate." Eric smiled.

"Ya Senapi! You'll be hopping up on William-san's desk and back to your cheerful self in no time." The young reaper smiled.

"Thank you all for coming to see me before the surgery. It means a lot to me." Grell wiped his tears and received a hug from the two.

Alan ran in, nearly out of breath. "I thought I was too late." He smiled and walked to the side of the bed. "We'll all be waiting here for you when you wake up." He smiled and hugged the redhead tightly. "Just remember you have people who love you deary."

The redhead nodded and tried to keep himself from crying. "Thank you. I will see you all soon." He smiled and waved as they each left. Grell sighed and looked out the widow as the snow fell.

"I see everyone came to see you off." The raven said as he entered.

"Yes they did." The crimson said flatly.

"Grell...I'm sorry. If you don't make it out of this, I don't want our last words to be those of hate." The supervisor whispered and carefully laced his fingers with Grell's thin ones.

"Will...if you're just here to clear you conscience, turn and leave." The thin reaper sighed. "But if you mean what you say and are willing to get that stick out of your ass, you may walk by my bedside to the surgery room." The redhead looked up to meet William emerald eyes.

"I...I..." The raven let Grell's hand go and left the room without another word.

"I thought so..." Grell whispered hoarsely and tried to choke back a sob. "Fuck you William T. Spears. You stole my heart and now it's broken. You said you can only fix what you see is broken. We god damn, you're blind." He croaked.

"Mr. Sutcliff. It's time." Dr. Jane walked in and gave Grell the anesthesia through his IV. "Count backwards from one hundred."

Grell laid his head back and began to count as the wheeled him away. "100, 99, 98, 97..."

_"Get off me!"_

_"B-But last night...last night you promised..."_

_"Nothing! You were or are drunk and had a fantasy. You deranged fool."_

_"William!"_

_"It's Mr. Spears. Now back to work Sutcliff!"_

_The crimson gasped and clutched his hand over his heart. He ran out of the office and into the locker room showers where he sat under the cold water crying._

_"What did I do wrong?" He choked out._

_  
{6 hours later}

"He's out." Dr. Jane smiled.

"Aye! I knew our ginger could make it!" Eric cheered.

"Senapi's okay? When can we see him?!" Ronald asked eagerly.

"Easy boys. Mr. Sutcliff is still knocked out. Now, I don't know if you want to be in the room when he wakes. We had to...well.." The doctor reached into her lab coat and pulled out a thick braid if crimson hair. "We had to shave him. It's all gone."

Ronald took one look at the braid and his jaw dropped. "I'm not telling him.." He said with his hand raised.

"I'll let the lad know." Eric sighed.

Dr. Jane handed the blonde the thick braid and patted him on the back. "He'll be waking up shortly. The surgery was a success. He'll need some therapy for his motor skills but other than that, the seizures should be gone."

The three men nodded and left for the crimson's room. They entered quietly and saw Grell laying still on the bed. His head wrapped in a white bandage. His eyes fluttered every now and then.

"Oh you poor doll." Alan whispered and sat beside Grell's bed gripping his hand. "You're strong Grell. I know you are."

"And who was ever doubting my strength?" Grell answered in a raspy voice.

"Welcome back to the world ginger." Eric smiled.

"Slingby...this.." The Crimson reaper went to grab at his locks and couldn't find them. "M-My..."

The scottish man held up the braid. "This isn't ginger. It's red or crimson if you wish."

Grell couldn't form words. He tried to calm himself. But failed. He took a deep breath and let out an ear piercing scream.

"Dr. Jane? Should we check on Mr. Sutcliff." A nurse asked.

"Don't bother. He's not in pain. Everything healed within the hour he was out. He's just a tad upset about his hair." She said going back to her paperwork.


End file.
